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Thoughts on Older Child Adoption From Experienced Parents

women with her arm around adopted son giving him a kiss on the cheek
“The child you meet in their birth country will not be the same child in one year… or even one month. Our prior adoptions should have kept this fresh in our minds. But what a reminder to find the child who anxiously filled his pockets with snacks and in a frenzy flipped every hotel room switch and opened every door, 14 months later is baking muffins with mama and can sit quietly with a book. The child who had never heard English is now singing hymns with his grandparents. What a gift that you will change and grow together.” — Riann Schell
four kids in colorful hoodies smiling
“Older kids have to be taught how to play, make friends and trust. We had practiced attachment parenting with our babies and found the same principles worked well with our older adoptees — answering their needs quickly, finding ways to touch and even allowing them to sleep in our bedroom when they first came home.” — Shila Henderson
mom and three kids smiling
“I have learned to embrace my child’s heritage and the life they had prior to entering our family. I have learned that this helps them feel secure, valued and whole. I have learned that the experiences they have already had have a profound effect on how they react to their current reality. I have learned to give them their space and time to grieve. I have learned that a lot of love, nurturing, patience and guidance do wonders as children transition into a new family and new way of life.” — Karen Barnes
family of five standing in front of elephant
“I think one of the biggest things to remember with older child adoption is that kids have culture shock! If their family can keep this in the forefront of their mind — that this child is going through a huge transition and huge amount of grief without a trusted person — then they can hopefully continue to approach the child with compassion and understanding.” — Celeste Snodgrass
dad and four boys holding fishing poles
“We have learned some things about their life in Vietnam. They have shared about their experiences at school and at the orphanage. They have not yet chosen to discuss their family. However, both Susan and I know that this is their story to be shared on their terms and timeline, and we are not concerned about how it will unfold.” — Keith Guess
mom dad and daughter sitting on bench
“We just fell in love with her biography, her picture. We knew she was for us when we read that she was ‘bossy.’ New Yorkers are born arguing.” — Margaret Hong
dad mom and two daughters laughing and talking
“When you are an adoptive parent, you don’t appear on the stage of your child’s life until after the show has started. Sometimes, in the case of an older child, you don’t come on for quite some time. Your child has an entire history — parents, relations, friends, caregivers, country, language, events, experiences — that doesn’t include you. I never want my children to hear in what I’ve said that their past doesn’t matter to me. I don’t want them to feel as though I believe their life started when they joined our family.” — Elizabeth Curry
mom adopted son and dad sitting in front of family
“Are you worried about missing out on so many of your child’s ‘firsts’ in life? First steps? First tooth? First words? This is understandable, but there will also be so many firsts when you adopt an older child. Our child never went swimming in his life until the hotel swimming pool when we were still in China. With a parent holding his hands, and some floaties around his arms, he bobbed up and down in the water with a puzzled expression on his face. Now, he swims like a fish and he thinks that being on top of a surfboard is being on top of the world.” — Tom Court

If you’re considering older child adoption, one of the best things you can do is seek advice from other families. Families who have worked through many of the same fears or concerns you’re now grappling with, and who have gone through the experience of helping an older child adapt to a new country, culture, language — and, in many cases, to life in a family instead of an institution.

Families who have learned how to help their child heal from trauma and long-term institutionalization, and how to build a loving, trusting bond with a child who may have never experienced that kind of bond with a caregiver or family member before.

View the slideshow above to hear from a handful of Holt families who have adopted children at older ages. You can also read more in-depth stories about these families below and, if you would like more advice, you can contact an adoption service specialist to get in touch with an advocate family directly!

The Story Behind the Photo: A Journey Toward Peace and Bonding

For Holt adoptive mom Riann Schell, one photo — taken while bringing her 9-year-old son home from China — is one she cherishes as a big moment in their adoption journey.

Family Foundations

One adoptive mom shares the lessons she and her husband learned as they helped their children overcome the effects of early trauma.

What I Have Learned

Adoptive mom Karen Barnes shares what she has learned over the years as she and her husband, Mike, have welcomed 11 older children into their family.

Older Child Adoption: An Expert Adopts

Holt’s director of clinical services — Celeste Snodgrass — shares about adopting her son Max from Thailand at 9 years old. While an adoption expert by profession, Celeste affirms that no older-child adoption goes perfectly smoothly. But it’s the perfect option for many families, and for children who have been waiting so long.

The First of Many Firsts as Family

Adoptive dad Keith Guess shares about his family’s experience with older child adoption, how it differs from adopting babies, and how Spencer and Leo — two teen brothers from Vietnam — have adjusted to their new home, and their new life, in the U.S.

Waiting for So Long

As 16-year-old Van Dai prepares to meet his adoptive family, and his adoptive family prepares to meet him, they share what they’re nervous about, what they’re excited about, and why they are so eager to finally meet one another.

How Our Family Became the Subject of a Documentary

When a documentary filmmaker approached Elizabeth and Jud Curry about filming their lives as a multiracial, international adoptive family of 12, they hesitated. But then their 9-year-old daughter, recently adopted from China, asked a question that so surprised them, they decided to say yes — welcoming viewers inside their lives and home.

A Father Speaks for Older Child Adoption

Adoptive dad and first-time parent Tom Court shares about deciding to pursue older child adoption, his son Eric, and how adopting an older child may be right for you and your family.

smiling adoptive parents holding son adopted from thailand and baby girl

Older children are waiting for families!

Many children wait longer for a family simply because they are older in age. Could you be the right family to adopt an older child? Meet some of the children who are waiting!

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