Several weeks ago, my team and I returned from the Philippines where we met and assessed 40 children for our Special Needs Project. We sat down with each of these children one-on-one, learning about their needs, personalities and desire for an adoptive family. And now, we have six months to advocate for them to find a families.

These children were truly incredible, and it is our hope to find the right family for each one of them.

In our travels, we visited many different child caring agencies, and experienced so many wonderful aspects of these facilities and the Philippines adoption program. Below are three unique characteristics of this program that I hope will stand out to families interested in adopting a child from the Philippines.

Most of the children we met in the Philippines…

Have a Strong Faith

All children in child caring agencies in the Philippines are raised and educated in Christianity or Catholicism. Most have daily prayer and Bible education as part of their routine – this typically happens in the evenings as a whole group. Children raised in Catholic child caring agencies have received their rites (depending on their age). For most children, their faith is important to them and they pray for an adoptive family every night.

Can Speak English

All the children we met can speak at least some level of English! Many could complete our entire interview without the assistance of an interpreter. A lot of school is taught in English, so children also know how to read in English. For older children, having a good foundation of English really helps them when they are placed with an adoptive family in the U.S. Without a huge language barrier, it is easier for them to make friends at school, and express their needs and wants with their adoptive family.

Receive Mental Health Support

Every child we met has had a psychological exam completed and most have access to counseling at their child caring agency. This is unique from many other adoption programs. The counselors at these child caring agencies talk with the children about their previous life experiences, help the children learn how to cope with negative memories and feelings, give them tools for dealing with frustration, and talk with them about adoption. One child caring agency we visited is strictly for girls who experienced sexual abuse. This facility has counselors and social workers on staff who help the girls work through their experiences, help them with the prosecution of their abuser, and prepare them to live in a healthy family setting.

There were so many children who touched our hearts — and all of them are so needing and deserving of a loving family. The children we met are very familiar with adoption, and they have regular conversations about it with their caregivers. Each one of them is excited about the possibility of adoption, and many of them express their desire to be adopted one day.

“For most children, their faith is important to them and they pray for an adoptive family every night.”

If you or someone you know wants to learn more about the children we met, we would love to talk with you! We were able to gather lots of photos and information about each of them, and would love to share about their specific needs and personalities.

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The post 3 Things to Know About Philippines Older Child and Special Needs Adoption appeared first on Holt International.

Our Special Needs Project team is currently in the Philippines, meeting children to help them find adoptive families. In between long days of travel and assessing dozens of children, our social workers sent the following report — to share about the children who have especially touched their hearts.

By the end of our trip, we will have spent 12 days in the Philippines, traveling by car, ferry, van and plane to meet 42 children — in hopes of finding them loving, adoptive families once we return to the U.S.

Each of these 42 children has sat down with myself, Luisa or Brooke (all of us Holt social workers from our Special Needs Project [SNP] adoption team) while we conduct interviews and assessments, and gather photos and videos to try and get a true sense of their personality, strengths and needs.

We all have children who have especially touched our hearts — children we have cried after talking with because of how special they are, how much they desire an adoptive family to love and support them…

Some of the Children We’ve Met

I think of Bernila*, a 14-year-old girl who is very talented in music and art. She was initially shy, but started to open up after talking for a few minutes. She was very inquisitive and wanted to know all of our favorite things. She admitted that she is teased by the other children because of her acne and it makes her sad when that happens. She wants a family who enjoys traveling because she wants to travel the world.

Another child who Luisa fell in love with has been waiting for a family for such a long time. She has a significant medical condition that has made it more difficult to find a family for her in the past. But part of this is because families that have seen her on the special home finding list don’t have access to a full description of her condition or an updated picture of her. After spending time assessing and playing with this child, it’s clear that she is a true gift, has many talents, and does not allow her medical condition to get in the way of her love for life or faith in being adopted by the right family.

There was a sibling group of two boys where the younger boy has a medical condition and the older boy clearly loves and is protective of his little brother. The older brother describes trying to protect his brother from being teased by others and watched out for him while we visited them. You could see their loving bond just from how they looked at each other.

Another older girl we met was so friendly and engaged — such a sweet and giggly teenager who loves to talk with her friends and has a crush on a boy in her class. She has traumatic and sad memories of her life with her biological family, and desires a family where she can receive love and undivided attention.

The Children Waiting for Families

Each of the children we’ve met is such a joy! Because most of them speak English, we were able to talk with them with only minimal assistance from an interpreter. Some children are extremely outgoing and ready to engage with us, and others are very shy and reserved. They’re all very familiar with adoption and most have seen friends get adopted. Adoption is an everyday conversation these children have with their caregivers.

The children range in age from 4 to 15, with the majority being in the 10-12 age range. We have seen sibling groups and single children, children who wish to be an only child, some who want older siblings and others who want (and would thrive with) younger siblings. We met with two children who have very significant medical conditions, but who are so happy and wish to be with a family. Other sibling groups we’ve met all love each other and want to be placed together. There’s even a sibling group of six! The older children in the sibling groups know that it will take a unique family to move forward with their adoption, but they still have hope…

And that is exactly why our trip, and this adoption program, is so important: hope. As we return to the U.S. with in-depth information and photos of each child, it gives them greater hope of joining a family.

Adopting a Child From the Philippines SNP

Families who would be a good fit for adopting a child from this program should be understanding of developmentally appropriate pre-teen and teenage behaviors, be supportive of a child’s faith and how they choose to worship, and have a true commitment to lifelong parenthood. They need to be flexible, understanding, accepting, loving, good advocates, and have large toolbox of resources — as well as a great sense of humor! Ideal families will meet a child where they are at, can sustain delayed gratification when it comes to attachment, are invested in the Filipino culture, and will utilize TBRI in their parenting.

If you or someone you know is interested in learning more about any of the children we’ve met on our trip, we ask that you come to a Lunch and Learn to hear more about them. And please don’t hesitate to reach out to Luisa or Brooke if you see a child on the SNP photolisting that you feel a connection to — they’d love to tell you more about them!

*Name changed

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Celeste Snodgrass, Holt’s Director of Clinical Services, shares tips for bonding with your tweens and teens.

Parents of younger children (under the age of 6 or 7) have many opportunities throughout the day to help their child meet their needs. Children often need help with the bathroom, brushing their teeth, buttoning their pants, cutting their food, getting their hair washed, etc…

Each of these events offers parents opportunities throughout the day to build trust with their child — communicating to the child they are there for them and will assist them in their needs.

These small interactions are particularly important to newly adoptive parents and their children, and provide opportunities for physical touch during a time when relationship-building is of most importance. Every single interaction might not end in a bear hug, but parents are offering nurture. Even if children are not fans of hugs and kisses, these small nurturing touches create connection, through loving human contact. Children who have lacked intimacy or experienced unhealthy touch in the past are still hard-wired for connection — and you can help them get there through playful interaction.

What are parents to do when they adopt older children who are capable of completing all the activities of daily living independently? How can parents physically connect when their child refuses hugs and kisses?

Parents need to be creative and playful.

Playful? With my older child? Yes! Even teenagers love to play. They just play differently than toddlers and school-age children!

Find out how your child likes to play. Do they enjoy building with Legos? Then don’t just play Legos with them, get some boxes or cardboard and help them create a giant maze, fort or tunnels using the cardboard. Get on the ground with them, help them problem-solve how to fit the boxes together. You might get some eye rolls — because all pre-teens are skilled at the eye roll — but they will have fun! Does your child enjoy sports? Start off playing a non-contact sport with them (baseball, kicking the soccer ball) and then build up to one-on-one basketball, football, and when it’s cold outside, wrestle in the house.

Playful? With my older child? Yes! Even teenagers love to play. They just play differently than toddlers and school-age children!

Did you adopt a girl who refuses to play a sport and loves to dress up and take selfies? Then help her with her make-up and her hair. Don’t just show her how to put eyeshadow on. Do it for her. Play with make-up with her and create different looks on each other that are totally outrageous or subtle and pretty. Take silly selfies together with your new looks. You can do this with each other’s hair or nails as well. At-home spa days are wonderful ways to physically pamper your child and provide nurturing touch.  Try an impromptu dance party or doing a few partner yoga poses together (a quick internet search will give you some ideas).

Even just going for a playful walk where you each give a fist bump when you see certain things — an animal, a type of flower, a specific car model, etc… — can offer an opportunity to align with your child, explore your fun side, and incorporate some level of physical or symbolic touch.

All kids, regardless of their age, appreciate a nightly bedtime routine. With younger children, we tend to help them get their pajamas on, brush their teeth, then read a story or two, tuck them in bed, give them a kiss and if we are as skilled as Mary Poppins, they fall right to sleep. But how do you create a nurturing bedtime routine with a pre-teen that refuses to go to bed or refuses that goodnight kiss?

This is where parents need to get creative and silly. Being silly can disarm a lot of fear, frustration or anger.

Is your child light enough that you can pick them up like a sack of potatoes? Can you jokingly drag them into their bedroom all while the other parent is tickling their feet or playing tug-of-war to try and keep them in the family room? Can you chase them with fingers that are ready to tickle them? If you keep the mood light and silly, most children will comply and begin laughing along the way. Instead of tucking in the moody pre-teen, can you jump on their bed until they begin laughing? Can you take their favorite blanket, stick it in the dryer for ten minutes to get it all nice and warm, then as they get in bed, wrap it around them with a little hug? Can you jokingly wrestle them until you get their cheek in the perfect position to plant a kiss?

Play isn’t just Barbies, dump trucks and Candyland. Physical play that involves loving, nurturing touch can help build strong connections with your child.

Celeste Snodgrass | LCSW-PIP, Director of Clinical Services

For more information about ways to build connections with children of all ages, read “Attaching Through Love”, “Hugs and Play” and “Games and Activities for Attaching With Your Child” by Deborah Gray or the TBRI for Teens video.

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